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 littleprincess's Cancer BlogMay 15, 2008
I didn’t mean to sound like a whiny brat, even if I am! I guess I was just venting. Yesterday was actually a beautiful day. I’m trying to do as much as possible before surgery. I went out and picked berries-got tangled in the vines, Ouch! This is only our second year to try gardening, but its going good. Our tomato plants are doing great, and I picked our first one. The peppers are producing faster than I can eat them. Our first crop of strawberries was quickly consumed. The squash is blossoming, and the blueberries are turning. I’m getting hungry…basically I’m just trying to enjoy all the little things that I take for granted. I rode my horse for the first time in 4 months. He doesn’t give me any pity for being “sick.” He’s just as bratty as ever, tried to unseat me a couple times. But then he settled down and we had a nice stroll through the woods. Well, I’m off to see some friends. Hope everyone has a good day! XOXOMay 14, 2008
I went in for my pre op consults yesterday. I learned that my surgery will be abdominal and not laparoscopic. The “bikini cut” will be made to remove my cervix and lymph nodes and hopefully not cause too much trauma to my bladder and bowel. This will require a 3-4 day hospital stay. They keep telling me that its “early” but that doesn’t help emotionally at all. My body has still turned against me. I think the hardest part is that they’re finding cervical cancer is caused by HPV, which is an STD. So, essentially I have cancer because I “loved” one wrong person. And then they were giving me the numbers yesterday. Statistically I shouldn’t be going through this! Some good will come of it, though. I signed up for a study for lymph node mapping. So in the future women won’t have to have all of their pelvic lymph nodes removed. And I’m finding groups to help spread the word, and push for better screening, as many a PAP smear has been false negative. Anyway. So I had a blood draw first thing yesterday morning. Spent many hours waiting to talk to various doctors and research people. Met with the anesthesiologist, who I didn’t get warm fuzzies from. I guess you don’t have to be much of a people person when you work with sleeping people! And then the anesthesiologist signed me up for more bloodwork! I wouldn’t have minded so much, except it was for type and crossmatching. In my opinion I think they should have signed me up for that as soon as they said surgery. Oh well. Did I mention that I was fired? Yeah, I had just started my job and had not made it through the probation period, so they don’t have to hold my job. And now my dog needs surgery, so I’ll have to pay full price, not employee price. Yikes! Well, the sun has finally come out today. I’m going to pick more berries and make some more yummies. And this time I’ll pass the cobbler around with some Blue Bell ice cream (the best ice cream in the country!). And as my friend keeps telling me, Chin up! XOXOHi Lisa, I am a 15 month anal cancer survivor and in reality I should never have been a victim of this disease, like you I do not fit the profile for this cancer, but…that said it is what it is and I know that you will beat this beast just as I have! Healing thoughts and prayers to you in Texas from me in Maine. Shalom, Lily For the record…I don’t wear bikinis either. Just thought you would feel better knowing you were not alone Mac You’ll get over it. I know I did. After surgery when they removed my “fat pad” (That little pudge that makes your tummy” I was like “Hey! This is the cutest my stomach has ever looked minus the big purple scar running from atop my belly button” And hopped right into a cute little red bikini. ;) Don’t fret soon you will be proud of your battle wounds. You are in my prayers, May 10, 2008
As the story typically goes…I haven’t been to church or even thought about God for many years. So the other day I started praying-not really about the cancer, but other “problems” I’m going through. Thursday I realized that everything seemed so different. The way I feel toward everything is different. Its difficult to describe without making me sound stoned…but I’m sure yall all know what I’m talking about. I’ve just felt lighter and happier. I spent the week up in Arkansas with my in-laws. It was great spending time with them. They’ve always been a big support through anything. Thursday was Robin’s birthday (my partner). I made her a cake, which I plan to never make again! My sister typically makes it, I’ll let her continue. Today we were back at home and running around. This morning we went to Robin’s company picnic-wonderful BBQ, dewberry picking, smores, and a beer tasting for the drinkers. And this evening back home and across the street for crawfish. At the picnic, the host’s daughter mentioned that she had a dessert stomach-which got us discussing cows and other ruminants. But we decided that it was true, primarily for women. Its true for me! You eat and you’re sooooo stuffed and can’t eat anymore meat or salad or bread…then the dessert comes around and suddenly you have room for several smores and 2 pieces of cake! LOL Tomorrow I’m having my parents over for dinner, and I’ll be making a dewberry cobbler. I haven’t that in 10 years! I’m all scratched up from the berry vines, but it is so worth it! Hugs and kisses to all! OK, its not just women. My youngest called it his “ice cream line” He would swear he was hungry and when ice cream showed up he would say he had only been full to his ice cream line. Maybe you could pass some dewberry cobbler around the board. Don’t worry, someone passed cake around last week and Jill was cool, she made me do the dishes and sweep the crumbs up. That seemed fair since I was the one who made the suggestion. So if there is some left…I am just sayin… Sounds like you are having fun, good for you! Mac May 2, 2008
I know we all do. We wait for them to say there was some mistake, and you’re actually perfectly healthy. The more I talk about surgery, the less I want to have it done. Maybe it will just go away? So, I’ve been trying read as many blogs as possible to get to know everyone. Your lives and stories are amazing! Thank you all for sharing! It is nice to know that I’m not alone on this path. {great big squeeze your neck, pop your head off hugs!} Keep Hoping and Looking and EMAIL me if you’re able to. I know of over 30,000 successful without csb. May 1, 2008
Just a few weeks ago Thursday was a special day. It meant that there was only one more day left in the work week. But in the 2 weeks that I have not been working, everything blends together. I get up and try to things around the house, but I feel so blah. I wanted to go back to work until my surgery, but its such an emotional roller coaster. I wouldn’t be reliable. I work in the veterinary world at a specialty hospital, in the surgery department. I have a fair bit of experience with anesthesia. But now that I’m on the other side of the table, I’m scared. It may sound egotistical, but I’m hoping that my anesthesiologist is as careful and compassionate as I am. My friends make fun of me-I handle all sorts of things all day long, but as soon as the needle is pointed at me I pass out. They placed and IV for my MRI, and I passed out on them-I told them I would. The only way I can describe it is “weird.” It doesn’t hurt, but its the mental thing of something slithering under my skin… Weezie-the procedure is a trachELECtomy. They will be removing my cervix and the upper part of my vagina, then attaching the uterus to the vagina, in hopes of preserving fertility. Of course, there’s a whole long list of ifs, as with anything. But, we’ll wait to see how it really plays out. April 29, 2008
Its strange to me that I cannot remember the exact date that I got the phone call. I remember where I was and who I was with. It was just another day at work. I went to lunch and listened to my voice messages…my gynecologist called me, not the nurse. My usual coworkers were around me, but I felt all alone in a tiny box. I could not hear or see anything else as she told me she needed to refer me to a gyn onc. At this point I had not told anyone at work what was going on. I went and sat in my car, but did not cry. Nothing felt real. I felt as though I was watching something on TV. In fact, I felt nothing until 2 weeks later when I broke down and cried at work. Only my office manager knew, and I had asked her not to tell anyone yet. I went home and continued to cry for about an hour. I fell asleep, and when I woke up I started flipping channels on TV. There were several hours of cancer-based programming on PBS. I watched it all, and I felt it all. I’m not yet a cancer survivor, but I do have cancer, and I am surviving every day… I had an MRI last week of the pelvis and abdomen. There was no obvious indication of the cancer having spread outside of the cervix. My treatment will begin May 19 with a radical trachelectomy and pelvic lymph node removal. If the lymph nodes are clear, then that will be all. I hope and pray that will be all, but deep dark down I feel there will be more. I hope it is only my fear. Dear Lisa; Welcome to the Blog for a Cure group of survivors. You will be amazed at some of the stories and of course the support that is given here. A truly wonderful place to visit. I’m so sorry you have been given this medical news and no doubt you are feeling scared. That is just natural and by the sounds of it, your Dr.s are moving quickly to resolve your situation. I was wondering why you are receiving a traceotomy? How does that relate to your cancer? Please keep us posted on your progress as I know you will over time have new supporters that you can count on. Good luck and prayers are being said right now on your behalf. Weezie from Canada eh You ARE a survivor! You may well be scared and apprehensive and unsure, but know this…you are a survivor and you are loved and prayed for and welcomed into the family of survivorhood. The lady who wrote crazy sexy cancer says, “I went looking for a cure and found a life”. I am getting that tattooed on me somewhere. Come here often, it is a place of peace and hope and love. Mac Hi there, Sending a lot of Hugs. Sherri |
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05.19.08 - 
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Mmmmm strawberries sound so good :q. Unfortunately I’m at that point in chemo where fresh fruits are a no-no. I hope you never hit that point ever because I want to inhale oranges and plums that are sitting on the counter like no bodies business.