littleprincess's Cancer Blog
July 29, 2008
| Bad Mood | Views: 867 |
Have I used that title before? I know I’ve thought it several times before.
Today was chemo 4, and it has been bad. Today, by far, has been the worst. The IV went great, but the infusion…First hour I get saline with magnesium, zofran, and dexamethasone. Second hour brings the cisplatin. From the first I would get a burning-like heartburn-sensation in my chest for the first 15-20 minutes. Then I would feel fine, although Robin pointed out to me that I lose every little bit of color I do have. Today the burning was accompanied with tightness, and I would cough whenever I moved. My sis-n-law is with me, and she panicked when I turned white as the bed sheets. But I assured her that happens. When those problems subsided, I got a headache. Third and fourth hour is more saline with magnesium. The headache progressed as I went down to radiation with my full bladder. I actually got in right away. I think my radiation guy had to wait on me, as I was half an hour late due to my chemo starting an hour late. Then my sis-n-law had to drive us home…
Headaches make me grouchy!
The poor dear. She has never driven in Houston. I was yelling at her that she was going to kill me. And she was laughing. It was not good. It got me thinking. I HATE THIS! I’m bitter. I wasn’t going to do treatment. I was going to take my chances since there was no evidence of disease left in me. But my family and friends and casual acquaintances were all begging me to “fight.” So I changed my mind and decided to take the insurance policy. That’s what the doctors are saying this whole process is-insurance. So on my way home, while I’m telling friends how miserable I am, I became angry. They’re telling me I can’t give up, I’m almost done. And I just want to say (insert bad words) to everyone. I’m doing this for THEM! And sometimes I feel like they just brush me off when I want to complain. I’m going to stop before I start crying, or say something I’ll regret. I already do a lot of both as it is.
I’ve been reading everyone’s blogs, but not up for much commenting. I’m thinking of you all. Much love to all!
07.07.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Lisa, I had a similar experience. I had a lumpectomy for breast cancer, but had to have chemo and radiation, too. I asked the doctor how I would know if I didn’t have cancer anymore and he said, “You may not have cancer right now. We may have gotten it all after the lumpectomy”. So I’m like, why am I doing all this other stuff? As it turns out, I’m at a little higher risk because I am HER2 positive. So the chemo and radiation is a little like insurance like in your case. I definitely say hang in there and stick with the program. It will actually be over before you know it. Now that I’m through with the chemo and radiation, it seems like the year flew by.
Lisa I felt EXACTLY as you are feeling now. I wanted to quit the barbaric radiation and chemo that made me feel like I was dying. When i decided to discharge myself from the hospital where I lay for a week, lost 40 lbs along with my waist length hair, friends and family came into my room and gave me “what for” to the point everyone was crying and telling me I cant give up I have to fight this demon until I kick it dead. I continued with the last of the chemo and last 7 excrutiatingly painful radiation treatments. So I have been in your shoes girl as has many others who slayed this demon called cancer. Hang in there, continue to vent your feelings and take support where you can get it! Shalom, Lily