littleprincess's Cancer Blog
August 2, 2008
| Slightly better mood | Views: 784 |
I mentioned that my sis-n-law was in town for the week. It gave Robin a much needed break, and some stress. She feels guilty for not being with me during chemo since it was so bad this time. I feel guilty for not being able to do things with my sis-n-law. I warned her that I couldn’t do much without getting exhausted, but I don’t think she was prepared. I don’t think I realized how little I’ve been doing. I wake up, have breakfast, play on the computer, shower, go to radiation, come home, sleep. I might eat another meal or two, but not usually. I didn’t realize how closed off I’ve been. Of course, everyone I know is at work all day. And I’ve never been one to do things by myself, especially not now when I never know how I’m going to feel. Yesterday we went for a mani/pedi. Nice and relaxing, right? I needed a nap! Then by the time we got home I was dragging. My parents and sister came over to spend some time before my sis-n-law left this morning. At 9 I told them all goodnight. Of course it took at least 30 minutes to get ready for bed, then I was out for 12 hours straight.
I’ve found the ultimate ab workout! Constipation/diarrhea/constipation/diarrhea…and so on. I feel like I’ve been beaten up from the inside out. I don’t recommend this workout for anyone! I meet with the dietician every week, but we haven’t been able to figure out how to keep me “normal.” I’m afraid I’m doomed to repeat this cycle all through treatment. I just pray it goes away after. This is my biggest source of pain. When I do have a BM, I’m reduced to tears and weakness. I now have soaks that I do twice a day. I don’t know if its helping. I have all sorts of “irritations” down there. Most of it is from the radiation, I know. Only 8 more.
I had my first annoying comment. “You’re getting chemo? But you still have your hair.” YES! I got to keep my hair, its just everything else including my dignity that’s gone! I’ve been waiting for the hair comment. Oh well.
I’m dreading my last chemo. And looking forward to it at the same time. Its the LAST! And then the “Then what?” Everyone keeps asking me what they’re going to do after treatment. Well, nothing. What else is there to do? Just my checkups and a lot of praying that its gone and not coming back. They ask how we’ll know that its gone. I told them we’ll never know that.
XOXO
07.07.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
I will be praying for you. I hope that your “ab workout” is a little better.
Dear Lisa; You really are a great writer of the word… You bring back a lot of memories for me. My stepmother had the exact same problems with her chemo, but she did loose her hair. The BM was just too much and you are right about the loss of dignity which the Dr.’s never mention, ever.. You have a very insightful aspect to this cancer. You never really know where it is going next or if it just disappers for some unknown reason. If ever there was a mystery to solve it would be this one for sure. Well I hope your last treatment is soon and it is over for good because noone needs to suffer the fatigue and fear of this damned disease. I hope your energy returns and you can get back to your activities with vigour. Take care. Weezie
Lisa, xylocaine gel before bms works wonders, biafine cream to “irritated” skin is also great. OAtmeal sitz baths also helps. The radiation WILL get worse before it gets better but like my hospice nurse said the day after your last radiation treatment is the first day of healing!Just keep your focus on the light at the end of this cancer tunnel. Shalom, Lily